I know I keep sharing my health journey with you. I get excited about the things happening to my body that excites me. Healthy blood pressure without meds after being on meds for over 20 years. I used to base my journey on what I see in the mirror. Never again. I always walk away sad and let down. Why? So many of us do this to ourselves. The healing is not enough. We feel ashamed that we have yet to reach perfection. It's all bullshit.
The journey is beautiful. Stop feeling as if you are not enough or that you do not do enough. All I am saying is, stop chasing perfection.
I do want you healthy. Do you want that? I want to feel my heart beating and know I took care of it. I want to climb mountains and jump into rivers. I want to feel alive. When my blood pressure is hitting 160/100, I don't feel good. When my hand goes numb and feels painful up to my elbow, it affects me. I can only speak for myself. I want to feel my cells vibrate and my energy tank full. I choose food I can eat and feel satiated. Are you eating because you want to feel energetic and powerful or eating to stop an emotion? Think about it.
I will never lecture you, just ask questions to make you think. My course coming up may piss you off or it may release you. I used to get so fucking mad when people told me I could not eat something. I had to tell myself not to eat it. I would actually say, "If you want it, go ahead and eat it. It will always be there is I walk away and decide to come back later." Just knowing it would be there if I wanted it sometimes released me from my addictive chains.
I believe in past lives. For all I know, I was starving in another life so I want to shove the food down my throat now as if it will disappear. Telling myself it was bad made me want it more at times. One is never enough, I just kept shoving it in. Fuck it, I would say. Then I would cry and hate myself.
We try to hide this part of ourselves for shame and rejection. Some of you may see yourself in me. We don't want anyone to know we fucked up. Why? I am so tired of people that claim to walk a perfect path and make those of us who stumble feel like less of a human. I say, walk the FUCK IT JOURNEY with me. Let's go. Let's sing, dance, cry, laugh, love and eat. It will never be boring. Just realize, you may be on the path with others, but this is your journey. What do you need to heal. What is food for you? Let's find out. Don't let it be self-sabotage, let it be LOVE. No beating yourself up.
Stop waiting on perfection and lets LIVE right now. Jiggle it, wiggle it, love it, shake it, move it, and free yourself from your cage. What if a plump and curvy woman is what is right? I am not saying unhealthy...there are unhealthy thin people....reality. I can tell you this, the stress you place on yourself is more harmful than that fucking cupcake you're beating yourself up over.